You Know What Thought Did...

The following thoughts may seem disjointed, but hopefully you get the point...

There is a haunting feeling that visits me on occassion (as it does for a lot of people I've talked to). It is the feeling that God is gone. He's 'high-tailed 'er out of here'. Sometimes, He just feels gone. I WANT to believe He's there, and I hope that He is - and it's ultimately faith that leads me to believe His presence.

I cannot prove He's there, can I? As I said in a previous post, there are instances when I take a long look around and say, "You are there." My previous post says how I do see Him; this post says I sometimes do not...

These lyrics from Jars of Clay say it best (lyrics are from "Silence" - you can play it in the player on the right-hand side):

Did you leave me unbreakable?

You leave me frozen?

I've never felt so cold

I thought you were silent

And I thought you left me

For the wreckage and the waste

On an empty beach of faith

Was it true?

[chorus]

Cuz I...I got a question

I got a question

Where are you?

(Keep following me here)...As a kid, whenever I would say that I THOUGHT I did something (like, "I thought I put the milk away!"), my father would say, "You know what Thought did? He stuck a feather in the ground and thought a chicken would grow!" Just because I thought something didn't change reality (the milk was on the counter).

Just like my kids have said through tears when they thought I left them somewhere (and what I want to say each time I CAN see God) is, "I thought you left me!"....Truth is, my thought about God's absence and presence is irrelevant. In His Sovereignty He is there. Whether my kids thought I was really gone or not was irrelevant - I was still there...But the feelings of panic were very real to them.

As for now and today, I've got a question..."Where are You?" I WANT the follow-up statement to be quick: "I thought you left me!" The in-between place of wondering (like my children wondered) is a frightful place. So today, while in the dark, I'll ask......where are You? (Psalm 13). My panic does not change reality, but the feeling is very real.

I know, I know...Facts to the front...faith in the facts...feelings to the rear! I didn't say it was easy :)