Stuff I Know

After almost 37 years of life, here's what I've learned:

• Nothing here EVER stays the same.
• Whatever you do, NEVER jump in the Frog Pond without adult supervision.
• If you ever sneak a picture with your parent's Polaroid, burying the picture really helps.
• Being kidnapped at age 5 is really scary.
• Michael Jackson really was cool - attempted impersonation? (try as you might) ....not AS cool.
• "Second session tickets now on sale" are exciting words when you are a rollerskating fan.
• When some girl says to you at age 11: "You're a hunk," be ready for a possible punchline.
• You'll never find the rumoured money tree, and Thought made some real stupid assumptions.
• Yelling at bikers to "Get off the road" followed by screaming for your mother to "AHH look out Mom!" while she is driving can make the car come to an abrupt stop.
• Cutting grass is like the definition of insanity: doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result.
• Girls have some weird superpower.
• Sometimes you can get away with stuff.
• Flaking dandruff from your eyebrows in a room full of pre-teen peers does not get the expected laugh type.
• Learning, "More than Words" on guitar is VERY smart for the short-term social life.
• Gargamel just won't ever pull off his mission to "fry and pickle a few."
• Don't try to cheat off Diane Scott's spelling test..."MRS. HARPER!!!!!."
• Being a grade four-er and "going-out" with a grade sixer is pretty cool.
• Skateboarding off a sidewalk at 13 without a firm stance will cause you pain at 36 years of age.
• Don't open your mouth to tell your brother not to throw a dew worm at your face.
• Sinning is really fun.
• Purple is NOT blue.
• Don't play house in stored travel trailers at Hambly's.
• Never stand beside your brother when he calls a big guy a jerk; he'll blame you.
• The first kiss is magic...right Michelle? Right?
• Your dreams can come true - like, sitting in a high school class in your underwear.
• Everyone should own at least one dog in their lifetime.
• You'll never see 90% of your graduating class after graduation - so who cares what they think?
• You can get a hole in your leg from a bicycle brake handle.
• Milhouse is funny.
• Watching your sister run out in front of a dump truck, then realize she did, and run back screaming is pretty funny.
• NEVER get a colonoscopy or scope in your stomach whilst awake.
• Don't play golf without sunscreen on your wedding day.
• DON'T chase, chase, chase a girl. STOP it RIGHT NOW!
• Shaking the bed when you're wife says she has morning sickness can make her hate you for a sec.
• Buying your first house feels good. Paying for it for a lifetime SUCKS.
• Hogwarts is a fun place to hang out.
• Babies poop and pee and sleep a lot. Then they grow and interrupt things saying, "TAHDAHH!" then look shocked.
• It wasn't Cable 10's fault when the "Greatest American Hero" got preempted.
• Daughters have a superpower.
• Fathers be good to your daughters.
• Sons emulate their fathers.
• Teach your son to fish - feed him for a lifetime (and you because he catches more fish).
• Apparently, I'm not stuck.
• Daughters ...what can I say? Once they get you, you're gotten.
• "I am now going to spank you" is pretty much just stating the obvious.
• When cleaning up a four-year- old's pee off the floor in a rage, you cool down FAST when they say, "I love you."
• Being alone with three very small kids and having terrible stomach flu is the great test of life.
• Girls talk a lot.
• Boys like video games.
• Sons can drive off wooden bridges during their first dirtbiking experience.
• Working is like being in jail for several hours a day without any meals provided.
• School sucks.
• Marriage is really hard. Marriage is the best.
• Music is the funnest thing EVER. Making music and conveying it is FUN.
• You can never win an ECMA in the gospel category being from PEI (right Ninth Hour, Shirley and Jamie? :)
• Never eat a poopsicle that's been dropped on the ground (and, nobody is funnier than Kenny Vail. Nobody...).
• Watching 3 children be born is yucky, shocking and profound.
• People can EASILY destroy each other with words and lies.
• Food is about the neatest invention...there are others, too.
• Campfires and Fudgee O's are a winning combination.
• Life is too fragile and volatile.
• Cats, dust and pollen are of Satan.
• Dogs die...so do people...and they don't come back.
• God is not always silent, and is usually quiet.
• Not "Please God!", but "Please, God!"
• For the love of God, risk SOMETHING.
  ...to be continued...